Staying in sync with the seasons around us helps us to be more present and connected. We’re all a part of nature, and we’re definitely affected by the seasons – even though most of us in the modern world spend the vast majority of our time indoors.
It’s important to be mindful of how the seasons are affecting us. I’ll talk in a future blog post about how seasonal changes can affect mental health. We can also take some time to contemplate what each season offers to us. Every season has its own gifts and lessons, which we can each use in our own lives.
Now that it’s fall, I’d like to invite you to consider what this season is offering to us. You may have your own ideas and insights about this. To me, the greatest gift of fall is that it shows us how to let go.
The power of letting go
In the fall, the trees let go of their leaves – which they spent all spring and summer building and nourishing. Those leaves were right for them at the time, and they were precious and valuable. But in the fall, the trees recognize that the leaves are no longer serving them. Instead of clinging to what they’ve invested so much in, they simply release them. All the fall color that we see around us is a result of that process.
We humans have a tendency to hold onto things much longer than we should. When we’ve invested our time, energy, and/or attention into something – a relationship, a job, a particular form of status, even simply a habit – it’s very hard for us to let it go. We might fear losing all of that investment, or we might simply not be able to imagine releasing something that’s been important to us for a long time.
When we do this, we continue investing in things that really don’t matter, or that are even actively harmful to us. This means that we don’t have room in our lives for new things to come in. If we cling to the past, then we’ll never be able to move forward. We have to be able to release what’s really not right for us anymore, so that we can bring new and better things into our lives.
For example, if you cling to a friendship that’s started feeling toxic, then you won’t have as much time to invest in meeting new people. If you release the toxic friendship, you’ll then have the time and energy to create new, healthier friendships that will actually nourish you rather than drain you.
I do want to note that we shouldn’t discard relationships too quickly. There may be an issue that can be fixed with good communication. In the previous example, you could try talking to your friend first, to see if there’s a way to solve the problem and feel better about the friendship. However, there are also cases where two people simply aren’t a good fit for each other anymore, or where one person isn’t able or willing to change their behavior. That’s when it’s time to let go.
We can learn from the trees. No matter how much you’ve invested in something, when you realize that it’s no longer serving you, it’s time to let it go.
Keep in mind that the process of new growth isn’t instant. The trees show us this as well – they release their old leaves, and then they don’t grow new ones right away. When you release the old, don’t expect something new and better to show up immediately. You’ll often experience “winter” – a time when you feel a little empty. Trust the process, and know that over time, something new will come into that empty space.
How I’ve let go of what no longer served me
Letting go can be hard, but it’s ultimately worth it. I’ve had to go through this process many times throughout my life, and each time has brought me some of my greatest gifts.
Letting go of using food for comfort
One of the most impactful was when I let go of using food for comfort. I’d been doing this for many years. Any time I felt stressed or sad, I’d reach for something sugary or starchy, and I’d feel better (temporarily). I believed that this was the only way to deal with my stress and feel okay again.
The point when I realized I had to let it go was when I was diagnosed as prediabetic – and I was only in my 20s. My cholesterol was also high, and I had signs of chronic inflammation. I’d been destroying my health by using food as a coping mechanism. I knew I had to stop doing this, but I had no idea how to deal with stress and other challenging emotions without turning to food.
After I let go of my old habit, I felt overwhelmed by my own emotions at first. This pushed me to try therapy – something I’d never really considered doing before. Over time, and with the help of my therapist, I started to discover new and healthier ways of managing stress. I now feel much calmer and I have a more positive mindset – not to mention my physical health has improved. I had to release my old ways of dealing with stress in order to step into a healthier version of myself.
Letting go of my marriage
Another example was when I divorced my husband. We’d been together since high school, and he was the father of my son. I’d never even really had another relationship, and I’d married him with the expectation that it was forever (as most people do). However, as we got older, it became clear that we really weren’t a fit for each other anymore. Instead of feeling like a source of life and vitality, the relationship felt draining to me.
Eventually I realized that I needed to let that marriage go. It was very hard at first – I’d invested so much into the marriage that I really didn’t have many other relationships in my life. I felt isolated and lonely without him. But the energy that I’d been investing into the marriage was now available for other things. I invested some of it into myself, which has been crucial in allowing me to transform my mindset and health. I also invested some of it into my friends, both old and new. Over time, those friendships deepened and became a source of so much joy and satisfaction. I wouldn’t have had time to create that if I hadn’t let go of the marriage.
Letting go of shame
Another time of letting go occurred fairly recently, when I decided to let go of wearing a wig. For years, my greatest fear had been that someone would see me without any hair. Every day, a huge amount of my energy went towards thinking about this. My wig was like my armor. Before I left the house, I would check it over and over, making sure that it was secure so that there was no chance it would slip. I constantly looked at my reflection in mirrors and windows to ensure that the wig was in place.
It took a long time for me to get to the point where I was ready to let go of this. Eventually, I realized that I didn’t want all of that stress and anxiety to rule my days anymore. I decided to take off the wig and show up in the world as my true self – no more hiding. I truly believed that I’d lose some friends over this, but I just couldn’t continue hiding anymore, and I knew I had to let go of my armor.
As I’ve shared before, this was one of the pivotal moments of my life. I posted a photo of myself on social media completely bald, and shared that I had alopecia. The outpouring of love and support was overwhelming. I felt so seen, held, appreciated, and loved.
Afterwards, I felt so much lighter. I couldn’t possibly have imagined the freedom I now experience. I had to let go of my wig to have the joyful and satisfying life I live today.
What do you need to let go of?
Now I’d like to invite you to contemplate what you might need to let go of in your own life. As we often do, we’ll use journaling for this exercise. Contemplate the following questions, and write freely in your journal. Try to write whatever comes, without editing or judging what you write. Remember that this is just for you, to help you explore your own thoughts and feelings. No one else ever needs to see it (unless you decide that you’d like to share it with someone you trust).
Is there anything in your life that feels like it’s not serving your highest good?
Is there anything in your life that makes you feel heavy, drained, or gives you a sense of dread?
What would it take to release this from your life?
Do you feel ready to let go of whatever it is that’s no longer serving you?
If not, what’s blocking you from feeling ready? What would it take to get to the point where you’re ready to let go?
If you do feel ready to let go, what’s the first step you could take? Commit to taking this step within the next few days.
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