At this time of year, I always find myself thinking about how my year has gone – and also what I want the next year to be like. You probably do this too. The start of a new year is a natural time to reflect on how things are going and how we’d like to move forward. That's why many people make New Year's resolutions.
It’s wonderful to think about what kind of future you want to create, and to put intention into creating it. It’s also important to ensure that you start the new year off in a positive way – and the truth is that resolutions aren't necessarily the best way to do this.
How resolutions can create negativity
Many New Year’s resolutions start from a place of negativity or lack. We often make resolutions because we don’t believe that we’re good enough as we are. We decide that we’re going to do – or stop doing – certain things in the coming year. Starting January 1, we’re going to be different.
New Year’s resolutions actually don’t really work – because most people don’t stick to them. In fact, one study showed that 64% of New Year’s resolutions are abandoned by the end of January. In other words, after just one month, nearly two-thirds of people have already given up on their resolutions.
For many people, this can start a cycle of negativity. You start off the year thinking about your weaknesses, and decide that you’ll change yourself to be better. Then, when you don’t stick to your resolutions, you beat yourself up over it. You tell yourself that you’re weak and unworthy.
Does this sound familiar? It certainly does to me. I used to fall into these types of thought patterns too.
But when I started studying the field of positive psychology, I recognized how damaging this type of pattern can be. When we think about our weaknesses, it becomes more difficult to create the life that we want. That’s right – being hard on yourself really isn’t helping you to get what you desire. It’s actually getting in the way.
Instead of focusing on the ways we fall short, we can choose to lean into our strengths, and to focus on our positive qualities. This allows us to break free of shame and guilt, and makes it easier for us to create what we desire in our lives.
Focusing on your strengths
Rather than focusing on all the ways you fell short of your goals this year, take some time to celebrate your accomplishments – big and small.
If you’re working towards a goal, what progress have you made this year? What are some great things that you’ve done? In some years, you might have made some huge progress – maybe you earned a degree, started a business, or got a great new job. If that happened for you, great – celebrate it!
But it doesn’t have to be something that the world views as a status symbol. Maybe you supported a friend who was going through a tough time. Maybe you helped your kids make fun Halloween costumes. Maybe you switched out your sugary cereal for yogurt and fruit for breakfast – at least sometimes. Maybe you took some walks, or started getting more sleep, or went to yoga once a week. Don’t beat yourself up for not being perfect – celebrate anything that you’ve done this year that helped life better for yourself or for someone else.
It’s also important to celebrate your strengths. We so often focus on our weaknesses, but you already have many incredible qualities. Research has found that when people do exercises that help them to discover and use their strengths, their happiness, overall well-being, and life satisfaction all increase.
You can learn about your strengths by taking the Character Strengths survey. This is the same survey that has been used in many different research studies. I offer it to you for free – just go here to check it out. It’ll take you about half an hour to complete.
The power of New Year’s affirmations
Now that you’ve learned about your strengths, take some time to think about how best to use these strengths.
The first step is to consider what you’d like to have more of in your life. Remember to keep this positive – don’t think about what you don’t like in your current situation. Instead, dream about what you’d love to have more of in your life. Maybe you’d like more nourishing relationships, more financial abundance, more healthy food, more time to yourself.
Think about how each of your top strengths can be used to create the life that you desire. For example, if one of your strengths is love, then you could choose to invest in more deep and nourishing friendships. If one of your strengths is creativity, then you could decide to spend more time making art – and maybe even start a business selling it. Any given strength can be used in numerous different ways to help get you closer to the life you want.
To help you stay focused on your own positive qualities and how you’d like to use them, you could develop one or more positive affirmations. This is a little different from a resolution. Instead of focusing on how you're planning to change yourself, it focuses on how you'll choose to use your strengths and gifts to invite more of what you want into your life.
Examples of New Year’s affirmations include:
I am open to new possibilities.
I pour love into my friendships, and I receive love back in return.
I bring abundance into my life.
I am strong and capable.
I give myself the gift of time for self-care.
I cherish my body, and I nourish it with healthy food.
I am free to express my true self.
I am worthy of love.
New Year’s affirmations can range from very specific to very general. Yours will be personal to you. Use these as inspiration, but develop your own.
Creating your New Year’s affirmations
To help you decide on your New Year’s affirmations, let’s use journaling. This is a great way to explore what you’d like to bring into your life in the next year, and what you’d like to focus on each day.
Consider these questions. Write freely in your journal, letting the words flow without editing. Keep going until the flow of words has come to completion.
What does your dream life look like?
How do you want to feel each day?
What’s most important to you in your life?
What are your greatest strengths?
How can you use those strengths to get closer to your dream life?
Take some time to consider what you’ve written. Try to distill it down into one or a few affirmations that encapsulate what you most want to remind yourself of each day. This could be a positive quality of yours that you want to focus on, or it could be an action that you’ll choose to take.
Once you have one or more affirmations that feels deeply nourishing to you, write it down and stick it somewhere that you’ll see it every day – maybe on your bathroom mirror, on your fridge, or on the wall next to your bed. I recommend repeating your affirmation to yourself at least twice a day. Do this with intention – take a moment to focus on the positive qualities of the affirmation, and say it to yourself deliberately one or more times. By doing this, you’re retraining your nervous system to focus on the positivity inherent in the affirmation. As you move through your day, you’ll naturally remember it and act accordingly.