As I often discuss, your mindset has a huge impact on your skin health. In fact, for many of my patients and clients, this is the missing link in their skin health journey. After spending years searching for the right skin care products, they’re often surprised to discover that working on their mindset has such a huge impact on how their skin looks and feels.
One of the aspects of mindset that’s commonly overlooked is self-compassion. The concept was first developed by researchers in the field of positive psychology (the field I’m trained in as a coach), and there are now many studies showing the benefits of developing more self-compassion. So what is self-compassion, and how can you work towards having more of it?
What is self-compassion?
When most of us think about compassion, we think about being with others who are suffering. When someone is going through a difficult time – like a divorce, job loss, or the death of a loved one – then we recognize their suffering and let them know that we truly care about what they’re going through. We do our best to help them through our words and actions, and we don’t shame or blame them for what they’re experiencing. That’s compassion.
Most of us naturally offer compassion to people around us who are suffering. However, when we’re the ones who are suffering, we often act in a very different way towards ourselves. For example, if we lose a job that we cared about, we may beat ourselves up internally, telling ourselves that we really don’t deserve success because we’re just not good enough. If we feel sadness or grief after a loss, we may tell ourselves that something must be wrong with us because we can’t seem to get over it.
Self-compassion is simply the practice of offering ourselves the same compassion we would offer to a friend in a similar situation. Instead of internally speaking to ourselves in a harsh or harmful way, we choose to be gentle and kind with ourselves.
What are the components of self-compassion?
According to the field of positive psychology, there are three components to self-compassion:
Self-kindness. This involves speaking to yourself in the same kind way that you would speak to a friend who was suffering. When you’re hurting, try to think about a friend going through the same situation. What would you say to them? Self-kindness means choosing to use the same language towards yourself.
Common humanity. This involves recognizing that everyone goes through similar challenges, and that we aren’t alone in our suffering. For example, when we start to feel like we’re not enough, we can remind ourselves that virtually everyone feels this way at times. This helps us to remember that there’s nothing wrong with us, and we don’t have to hide what we’re feeling.
Mindfulness. This involves being aware of our negative emotions without becoming consumed by them. When we’re engaging in mindfulness, we don’t resist anything that we feel – resistance tends to simply make those negative emotions stronger, because we aren’t acknowledging and processing them. At the same time, we don’t allow ourselves to get stuck in negative thought loops, and we keep our challenges in perspective.
Dr. Kristin Neff, a researcher in the field of psychology at the University of Texas at Austin, was the first one to work with self-compassion in a research setting. She has developed a questionnaire that can be used to assess your level of self-compassion. She offers this for free, as a way to help others. You can access it here.
When you’re filling out this questionnaire, try to be as honest as you can with yourself. Think about any challenging situations you’ve encountered in the recent past, and remember what your thoughts and emotions were like. How did you speak to yourself? How did you interpret the situation? The more honest you can be as you fill out the questionnaire, the more you’ll get an accurate perspective on where you’re currently at with self-compassion.
Does self-compassion really help your skin?
If you’re living with a chronic skin condition, then you may be wondering whether having more self-compassion can benefit your skin. In fact, there are quite a few research studies showing that it can.
In one study, a group of people with atopic dermatitis (eczema) went through an 8-week self-compassion training program. After the program, there were significant improvements in the severity of their eczema – they had fewer symptoms like rashes and itching. Three months after finishing the program, the participants still showed improvements in their skin relative to a control group. It’s believed that self-compassion training helps to reduce the levels of stress hormones like cortisol, which in turn benefits the immune system and the skin.
Self-compassion has also been found to improve psychological well-being in those with chronic skin conditions. People with chronic skin conditions are more likely than others to experience mental health challenges, and studies have discovered that self-compassion helps to protect against depression in people with chronic skin conditions. It’s essential to find ways to cope with your skin condition and support your own mental well-being, and self-compassion is a proven way to do this.
How can you develop more self-compassion?
If you’re not currently treating yourself in a compassionate way, there are ways to help yourself develop more self-compassion. Some things you can try include:
Use journaling. I’ve found journaling to be one of the most helpful tools for exploring and understanding my own emotions and thoughts. Try journaling about how you treat yourself when you’re going through something difficult. In particular, consider how you’re talking to yourself during these times. If you discover that you’re not talking to yourself the way that you’d talk to a good friend, work towards shifting that.
Visualize yourself as a child. Often, we find it easier to be compassionate towards a child who’s suffering than towards ourselves. When you’re going through something difficult, you could try thinking of yourself as a small child, or even as a puppy or kitten. This might make it easier to treat yourself kindly instead of being harsh or critical.
Use affirmations. These are positive statements that you say to yourself on a daily basis, in order to reinforce the neural pathways of self-compassion and kindness. You can print them and put them on your bathroom mirror or next to your bed – anywhere you’ll see them daily. Repeat them to yourself at least twice a day. The specific affirmations you use will depend on which specific positive thoughts you most want to encourage. Examples include “I am enough just as I am,” “I give myself permission to make mistakes,” and “I am worthy of love.”
Give yourself a hug. Loving physical touch releases a hormone called oxytocin, which helps the nervous system to calm down. If you can get a hug or a cuddle from a friend, child, partner, or even a pet, this is the best way to get oxytocin. But you can also give yourself a loving hug, a pat on the back, or a gentle touch on the arm.
Take a self-compassion break. When you feel stressed or sad, take a moment for self-compassion. Acknowledge to yourself how you’re feeling. Remind yourself that everyone feels this way at times, and that you are not alone. Then, consider how you would speak kindly to a friend going through the same situation, and say that to yourself. If possible, you can also give yourself a small treat as a sign of compassion – for example, you could have a cup of your favorite tea, listen to a song you love, or watch a cute animal video.
Support along your transformational journey
Building a life that supports your health, well-being, and freedom can be challenging. Being connected to others who are going through a similar journey can make a huge difference. That’s why I put so much effort into creating our Mind Gut Skin Academy communities. I love to see women supporting each other, offering advice when needed, and uplifting each other.
Building more self-compassion into your life can help to improve your mental well-being as well as your skin health. This is a beautiful way to enhance many different aspects of your life.
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